When was the last time you apologized for existing? For asking a question, speaking up, or taking up space? If you’re like most women, it was probably this morning. Worse yet, did you feel the need to explain yourself after apologizing? It’s okay; we’ve all been there. But let me tell you—it’s time to stop.
Why Do We Over-Apologize and Over-Explain?
As Gen X women, many of us grew up in an era where we were taught to be polite, accommodating, and non-confrontational. We internalized the idea that our worth was tied to how “nice” or “agreeable” we were. While politeness has its place, constantly apologizing and over-explaining diminishes your power, undermines your confidence, and frankly, wastes everyone’s time.
Every unnecessary apology sends a message: “I don’t deserve to take up space.” You might think you’re just being polite—but what you’re really doing is shrinking yourself for other people’s comfort. Over time, this habit chips away at your self-worth.
The Problem with Over-Explaining
Over-explaining is the evil twin of over-apologizing. It’s the verbal equivalent of a flashing neon sign that says, Please validate me, I swear I’m not being unreasonable. It makes you sound uncertain, even when you’re completely justified in your actions or requests.
Here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation for taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, or simply existing.
How to Break the Habit
1. Audit Your Apologies
For one week, pay attention to how often you say “sorry.” Are you apologizing for things outside your control? For things that don’t warrant an apology, like asking for help or stating your opinion? Keep a tally. The results will likely surprise—and annoy—you.
Once you’re aware of how often you over-apologize, start replacing “I’m sorry” with other phrases:
• Instead of “Sorry for the delay,” try “Thank you for your patience.”
• Instead of “Sorry, can I add something?” try “I’d like to add to this discussion.”
2. Practice Silence
This one is hard but worth it. When you feel the urge to over-explain, stop and take a deep breath. Respond with the simplest, most direct answer, and then stop talking. For example:
• “I can’t make it tonight.”
• “I disagree with that approach.”
• “That’s not going to work for me.”
Leave it there. The silence may feel awkward at first, but it forces others to respond to your statement instead of your insecurities.
3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you rude or selfish; it makes you human. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing space, time, or anything else that protects your well-being. The next time you’re tempted to explain why you can’t do something, try saying:
• “I’m not available for that.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I need to prioritize something else right now.”
That’s it. No further explanation needed.
4. Replace Self-Doubt with Confidence
A lot of over-apologizing comes from a place of self-doubt. Counteract this by building your confidence. When you feel the urge to apologize or explain, ask yourself:
• Am I actually at fault here?
• Do I owe this person an apology or explanation, or am I doing this out of habit?
• Would I expect someone else to apologize or explain in this situation?
Chances are, the answer is no. Stand firm in your decisions.
5. Practice Saying “No”
“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to dress it up with apologies or explanations. Practice saying it without adding fluff:
• “No, thank you.”
• “I’m going to pass on that.”
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but every time you say no with confidence, you reinforce your self-respect.
The Payoff of Letting Go
When you stop apologizing unnecessarily and cut out the over-explaining, you reclaim your time, energy, and power. You’ll notice people take you more seriously because you’re communicating from a place of confidence, not insecurity.
You’re not here to be small, to shrink yourself to make others comfortable, or to justify your every move. You’re here to be bold, fearless, and unapologetically you. So, stop apologizing for existing. You’re not a problem to be solved; you’re a force to be reckoned with.
It’s time to kick the habit of over-apologizing and over-explaining to the curb. Trust me, you won’t miss it.
Did this resonate with you? Share your thoughts in the comments below or tag someone who needs to read this today. Let’s normalize being unapologetically ourselves!
Stay bold,
Jennifer
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